


Not a Queen, A Goddess (The Soulmate remix)

by nerdzeword



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, aftg remix, neil thinks he's a detective or some shit, poor kevin doesn't know what is happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 21:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21143396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdzeword/pseuds/nerdzeword
Summary: At age six, Nathaniel was comforted by the words on his wrist.At age eighteen, Neil had finally made himself stop thinking about his soulmate at all.





	Not a Queen, A Goddess (The Soulmate remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CourtneyEllen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtneyEllen/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Not a Queen, a Goddess](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003780) by [CourtneyEllen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtneyEllen/pseuds/CourtneyEllen). 

> I'm so glad I got chosen as a pinch hitter for this! It's the first time I've ever done a remix, and it was surprisingly hard! I probably would have been easier, but I don't do smut, so I had to get a bit creative with it. Anyone who knows me knows I can't resist a soulmate au though, so picking a fic really was no contest. 
> 
> Much thanks to Assaf and Amanda for betaing for me. You guys are the real MVPs

At age six, Nathaniel was comforted by the words on his wrist,_"Better luck next time_",written in small orange font. The words were proof that there was someone out there for him. That there was a life beyond the four walls of the house he felt like he was slowly suffocating in.  
He had words. He had a soulmate. He had someone who was going to love him and wasn’t going to hurt him. These were facts, just as real as the words on his arm.

At age ten, Alex didn’t have time to think about his soulmate. His thoughts were consumed by the constant loop of _survive survive survive_ that played in his head on repeat. Sometimes though, in the dead of night, while he laid with his back to his mother’s on the small mattress they shared, he would look at the words scrawled across his wrist and wonder what sort of person they were.  
Were they also a broken mess of patchwork pieces, stitched together with desperation and the smallest thread of hope? Did they also look at their words and wonder about him?

At age fourteen, Stephan thought he might hate his soulmate. What kind of words were those anyway? "_Better luck next time._" He was haunted by them. They echoed around in his head and taunted him. It wasn't until his mother tried to cut them out of his skin that he decided that no matter how much they taunted him, they were still his. Maybe the last thing that truly was.

At age eighteen, Neil had finally made himself stop thinking about his soulmate at all. He hid the words beneath long sleeves and athletic wristbands, and told his nosy compatriots that he didn’t have a soulmate when they ask him about it.  
Maybe that’s why it caught him by such surprise when he finally heard the words, thrown at him with a disinterested sneer. _"Better luck next time."_ Maybe he shouldn’t have been so surprised when the person standing over him reeled in shock when he said the first thing that came to his mind in return.  
_"Fuck you."_

Andrew was… not what Neil had expected when he thought back on all of those daydreams he had of his soulmate. Granted, that was partially because six year old him thought that his soulmate should have been a fruit farmer so he could eat all the strawberries he wanted, but that was beside the point.  
For one, he was mindbogglingly contradictory, and kind of an asshole. He claimed to hate Neil, repeating so -- often. But he also refused to leave Neil behind in Millport, despite all of Neil’s protestations.  
For the first two days of their stay, Neil tried to avoid Andrew at all costs. He left for school later than usual, stayed late at Exy practices and sidestepped Andrew’s glare and psycho grin at every twist and turn. The third day, Andrew caught him before class, pinning him to the locker room wall. Neil could only stare at him. For some reason, being pinned in by Andrew didn’t feel like being trapped. It felt almost... Neil shook the thought from his head and vowed to never find himself in that position again. Instead, he talked to Kevin.  
Kevin hadn’t changed much since they were children. He was still an egotistical asshole with an Exy obsession, but he lacked the confidence he’d held as a child. Neil was baffled by him. How could he be so good, and_ know_ he was so good on the court, but still cower behind Andrew outside of it. What did he see in Andrew that he thought that he could protect him from the likes of Riko, who had already broken his dominant hand?  
Predictably, Kevin held no answers. He couldn’t explain Andrew’s behavior, nor could he explain his strange charisma, charisma that made no sense when Neil considered that Andrew always sort of looked like he could, and would, kill you without hesitation. It was the fifth day before Neil decided that he would just have to figure out what sort of person Andrew was for himself.  
“Truth for a Truth.” Andrew offered. Neil didn’t even have to look up from his cigarette to know it was him. Andrew had been bothering him here since the first day. This would be the first time he had spoken however. Neil kicked the bleacher in front of him petulantly. But he had a feeling that this would be the only way he would get to know anything about his soulmate. He hated that. He hated even more that he understood it.  
“Alright.” he answered after a moment.  
Andrew didn’t hesitate.“Why do you never actually smoke those?” Neil hesitated, but answered honestly.  
“I don’t smoke. The smell reminds me of my mother.”  
“You’re hiding something.”  
“So are you. Why are you playing Kevin’s bodyguard?”  
“We have an agreement. You obviously are a junkie just like Kevin. Why do you keep refusing Wymack’s offer?”  
“I can’t- I can’t be in the spotlight like that. I just can’t.” Andrew didn’t argue or ask for details, just pulled out a cigarette of his own. Neil came to the sudden realization that he hadn’t seen Andrew smile once this entire conversation. That alone was strange. Why would he stop taking his meds? Did he not like them? Wouldn’t that negate the terms of his parole? Neil thought he remembered reading something about that. “Does Wymack know you’re not on your meds right now?” he questioned without thinking.  
“You noticed.” It wasn’t a question, but Neil had a feeling that he was surprised anyway.  
“Yes.”  
“No. And we’re going to keep it that way.”  
“So I’m an accomplice now,” Neil said dryly. But he knew he wouldn’t tell anyone anyway. It wasn’t his secret to tell.

Things got better after that. It became a sort of tradition. Every day, sometimes multiple times a day, Neil would sit on the bleachers with a cigarette cupped in his hands, and Andrew would show up a few moments later and smoke one of his own. Sometimes they would play the truth game, sometimes not. Sometimes Andrew would be medicated, sometimes not. Sometimes Neil had to catch himself to keep from staring at Andrew, others, he couldn’t even look at him because all he could see was that terrible smile.  
That was the worst part. That god awful manic smile. Like one of those dolls Neil had seen on a scary movie poster once. Watching Andrew was like watching a train crash in slow motion, horrifying, but somehow left you feeling like if it only slowed down just a little bit more, that maybe you could stop it.  
The strangest thing though, were the times when Neil could see the Andrew that lived behind the medication and the grin and the _godawful_ mask he constantly wore. Neil almost hated all those times he and Andrew sat on the Millport bleachers and smoked in silence. He hated that in those few moments when it was just the two of them, and the smoke, and the stars; Andrew almost felt tangible. And Neil despised the fact that, just like that day he pinned him in the locker room, what he saw behind Andrew’s mask, looked an awful lot like_ safety_ and_ home._

Eventually, Wymack couldn’t postpone the decision any longer. He had a team to get back to in Palmetto, and not even Andrew looking like he would very much like to run him through with a knife was enough deterrent. Neil continued to refuse. It didn’t matter that Andrew was his soulmate, or that he was finally beginning to understand his strange mannerisms and impossible thought processes. The fact remained, Neil couldn’t play Exy on a class A team. He just couldn’t. He couldn’t place himself in the spotlight like that. Not while his father was still out there looking for him.  
“Why?” For someone who looked like he was two minutes from murder at any given point in time, and said he didn’t give a damn about Neil, Andrew was certainly tenacious  
“Why what?”  
“Why won’t you come? You can’t tell me it’s this_ town_ that’s holding you back.” Andrew’s eyes were clearer than they had been for the last two weeks, and Neil was just so _tired._ He was tired of running, and tired of hiding and tired of trying to pretend that he didn’t just want one thing that was real in his life. And Andrew was looking at him like he already knew all of Neil’s secrets and was just waiting for him to come clean on his own. Like Neil’s tragic backstory didn’t even really _matter_ when compared to hiding the truth. Like he could actually take on all of the demons that are following Neil, and win.  
_Safety._  
_ Home._  
He let it all out. He finally broke the last rule his mother had set for him, and told them everything. When he was done, Wymack was already on the phone, trying to talk to someone from the FBI and Kevin was ranting about how he couldn’t believe that Neil had kept something as large as his identity from him. But all Neil could see was _Andrew Andrew Andrew,_ who wasn’t smiling. Not even the terrible broken smile he had to have been fighting for hours now. Andrew, who hadn’t said a word through the entire ordeal. Andrew who didn’t belittle or pity him. Andrew who made him believe that one day he could be okay. Andrew, who Neil was finally beginning to understand. Andrew who the universe had chosen for_ him_. Andrew who was safe. Andrew who was home.  
Andrew offered him one of his cigarettes without a word.  
Neil took it.


End file.
